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October 24 Finding the Writer WithinI've always loved horror. As far back as I can remember. From the first time I saw a horror movie I knew I'd like to do something related to the industry. Even today I still love scaring people.I mastered the art of the jump out scare early on. The look on a persons face when you scare the crap out of them is priceless (to me. Although I still get a kick out of this sort of thing, it's rare that I do it anymore. The adult
in me is always there to remind me that people have heart attacks, and that all manner of accident could result, causing serious detriment to the persons health. That's one reason I love horror stories, you get your ration of that frightened feeling with minimal risk.
I wasn't the kind of kid to talk about my ambitions in life. Because I mostly considered everything beyond my reach. But that doesn't mean I didn't dream. For a time I wanted to be an archeologist, or an oceanographer, but I knew I wasn't smart enough. I'd never be able to make
the grades.
Both archeology and oceanography are, even today, very interesting to me.
Eventually my love of horror movies got me to thinking I ought to become a special effects guy.
That dream lasted through most the teenage years. But Hollywood just seemed so far removed from
where I was. It might as well have been on the moon.
When I graduated, I cashed in the reality check, going to work at a factory, realizing the only
dream I ever felt was truly a possiblity: That I would spend my days toiling away in a factory
until retirement. A reality that felt like death to me. It still does. What good is a robotic
human being just going through the motions of life, living solely for the sake of it?
Even though it should have been one of the happiest times in my life (putting the school daze
behind me, just starting out with my family) a Great Depression fell on me. One that I've yet to
fully recover from. The only thing that makes me truly happy in life is to write. A dream I wish
I'd've realized was at the core of most my interests, much earlier on.
I tried to write some in the preteen years, but was fully an adult when I knew it was my
calling. One of the few things that comes natural to me, even if it doesn't often come easily.
As I type, just filling this page, it helps me to be a happier person. And I've come to believe
that we as a people are so unhappy because we spend so much time going against the grain of our
dreams. Due to insecurities natural to self, but reinforced by the people who influence our
lives. Their negativity burns through the shield that houses your dream and its acidic
pestilence corrupts the core. Another of the world's vicious cycles that I can only put forth
theorys concerning the why of. (I don't think I'm supposed to end the sentence that way, but
honestly how does "it all" help?)
I think it's partially because they didn't believe in themselves enough to push on in the face
of the seemingly impossible; so there may be a subconscious jealousy that begrudges anyone with
the courage to set out on an unpredictable path. Possibly they never found that one influence in
their life that would have nudged them, not gently into the night, but rather put a boot in
their ass and questioned why they were still here when their dream was out there. Or maybe the
only voice they could hear was that of the naysayers who never deem to truly accomplish anything
for themselves, wishing only to merely get by (all the while the payment for their lifetime of
grueling work is to help someone else's dream come true, and to end up a tired, defeated shell
of the person they once were.)
I'm not certain when I decided (if one is capable of doing that) to begin writing again, it just
happened, and at the time I didn't think much of it being a life changing event. I do know that
the first significant thing I tried to write was a sequel to Total Recall; which was based on
Phillip K. Dick's We Can Remember it For You Wholesale. I hit a dead end, and gave up on it.
But it was crucial cause I realized that I had some inherent ability to speak much more
eloquently on the page than I could aloud. And that I enjoyed the creativity. But I knew from my
years of being an avid reader that becoming a professional writer was a long and arduous
process. Most importantly though, I knew it wasn't impossible. That it wasn't some head in the
clouds thing. That as long as I set out with no illusions of ever becoming a famous writer, a
legend, or a millionare, and kept a constant focus on bettering my craft I could one day be a
very competent writer. And even possibly a nicely compensated writer. That has always been the
dream. Just to eek out a living from this thing, loving what I do.
Reading had been a mainstay in my life for as long as I can remember, but as soon as my pen
rested on the last page of the incomplete Total Recall sequel, I realized the courtship was
over. It was time to marry that literary vixen.
So, I began to devour writing books by the armload; the amount of novels I read depended upon
how many sacks of books I wanted to tote out of the library on any particular visit. Today, I go
through phases, I'll read everything I can get my hands on for a while, and then take an
extended break from it all.
During the process I rediscovered Stephen King. I'd always been a fan of the shows/movies based
on his work, I'd just not read many of the actual works. And when I did, for the first time I
truly understood the difference between a work of fiction and its media representation. So I
began to search out other author's works I hadn't read simply because I'd seen the movies.
Before long I had found Interview with the Vampire. Afterwhich I went on a binge of Anne Rice's
Vampire Chronicles, reading everything she had written about them up to that point. And really
since.
On and on I read, discovering new favorite authors and savoring the old ones. In all that time
I've come to believe something about writers: That we all have literary parents... Anne Rice and
Stephen King were mine. There are no two writers which I wish to emulate, without really
imitating, more.
As of today I've not written what I think is a truly compelling horror story. In fact most of
the fiction I have written is not singularly horror. While I wish that weren't true, I am okay
with it. Not long after I set out on this path, and began to learn so much about the publishing industry, I made a promise to myself that I would never be put in a box. That I would write
whatever came to mind. And I intend to keep that sworn oath. It is my hope to have several
novels of varying genres under my belt by the time the first one is published. And I will do
everything within my power to see that no two like novels are published back to back. At least
in the beginning. I want to cast the lines out in every possible direction; leave all avenues
open. To not be typecast as this or that kind of author. The reading public is perfectly capable
and totally willing to read novels by the same author that are published in many different
genres.
I'm a writer plain and simple. Horror may be the pool I choose to dip in the most but that
doesn't mean I don't have a desire to swim the river Mysterious. Traverse the ocean Fantasy; or
sail the Thrilling sea. If I should drown or get lost along the way, well... then it was my
choice and regardless of consequence I'm glad I had the balls to make it. Comments (4)
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